I realize there are so many things I need to improve on. I don’t want a single ounce of self-loathing in me. I need to stop being so bitter about the past. I need to stop being a quitter. Whenever problems arise I go running in the other direction, in relationships, in friendships, in everything. I always want to quit on something before it quits on me. My procrastination derives from my fear of failure, I purposely sabotage things in order to have excuses as to why, instead of accepting that I failed, that I did not perfectly accomplish something. I never wanted to give my heart away because guys could never break something they didn’t have. All my failed friendships made me a cynical woman. I realize I’m very cynical about friends, close ones. Girls can get paranoid, competitive, and hurtful so I put up a wall, hoping that it would protect me but people always seem to get in.
I need to remember, I’m beautiful, the past is the past, and shit happens I need to face it. I should always try my best and if I can’t do something as perfectly as I want, I will try harder to improve it until it meets my standards. There will always be good people out there for me to meet, I already know a few, the few I know have true good intentions, who are real and have no heinous personality hidden behind some mask they wear in front of me or the public.
Why the fuck am I airing out my dirty laundry, I have no idea. I guess because I was inspired by Debbie’s video and wanted to..to..show my authenticity, my flaws, my fears, etc.