I'm still young and trying to figure things out. I'll make mistakes and I'll hopefully learn some lessons, but that's just life. I'm not going to be fake, I know I'm not perfect. I'm an enigma, a puzzle that can't be solved, a maze you'll never find your way out of, but isn't that what makes me interesting? Get to know me, you might just end up liking what you see. Although I'm still figuring out my life, there is one thing that's for sure, as luck would have it, I've found the one. I love you Sodana Lam.
-I'm Vietnamese/Chinese
-19 years I've been on this earth
July 5th
2:15 PM

Sometimes I wonder if friends actually want to hear the hard truth or they just want you to massage their egos.

Do they just want cheerleaders cheering them on for all their decisions or do they want people who disagree with their decisions but with good reasons? People always say they can handle and want the truth but usually when it’s brought to them, they just disregard it and think of the person delivering the message as a “mood killer.”

2:02 PM

Ego and Pride got in the way of friendship.

I am too opinionated. I am too pushy about my opinions. Sometimes, I am too much of a goody two shoes. I am very uptight. I’m narrow-minded. I take things to heart too easily. I keep thinking I should care less but what seems to be the problem is I should say less. My intentions are pure but my delivery is terrible. I can’t accept criticism. I am a control freak. I have shit self-esteem. I over-think things. Sometimes, I wonder if maybe I just bring out the ugly side in people or people bring out the ugly side in me. Maybe too much time spent together reveals the ugly side in everyone. I am too self absorbed. I always thinking people are saying things to hurt me or doing things to hurt me. I care too much about what others think. I always fear humiliation. I dwell in regret. I judge.

June 24th
12:29 AM

Me and my rage. Lesson learned.

I need to learn to manage my temper. The best way to win an argument is to not be phased by it. The person who keeps his/her cool is the one that doesn’t look like a fool. Note to self: You can’t control how other people act, you can only control how you react.

June 22nd
3:41 AM

Raging: I care, but my delivery may not be the best.

What a fucken joke, you think some loser fb friend agreeing with you on a stupid decision makes him your friend? Friends aren’t people who kiss your ass; they tell you the fucken truth and the smart decisions. REAL TALK. These loser fb friends of yours aren’t going to be around when shit hits the fan. They won’t be there when your ass is broke as a joke, they won’t be there when your ass is in the hospital, and they won’t be there to give you unselfish advice. Your fb “friends” don’t care about how anything affects you financially or about how it affects you period. They only care about themselves and having fun. Me advising you does not benefit me; it only benefits you. Only I have been there when your ass was in the hospital and if you can’t see my loyalty then why should I even care. In addition to that, it hurt when I saw the change in you. I knew you once cared about me because you didn’t want me to work that degrading job. However, later on you tried to recruit me. That was the day I knew you no longer gave a fuck about me and now you only cared about yourself. I was disappointed. If you are too stupid to see that, wait a couple years and see where your path takes you. Your looks will fade, and your lack of education will get you no where. You will end up spending money frivolously on stupid events when you have more important priorities to attend to. You haven’t grown up a fucken bit. You’re still a fucken child. Get your priorities straight. 1K spent on a day or weekend at some rave isn’t worth not having a car. A car lasts longer than a day or weekend, a car takes you from point A to point B, and overall, a car is fucken useful. As opposed to you, some ravers have their shit together. They know their priorities. The most infuriating part is the fact that the 1K was FREE. What kind of bullshit excuse is “the guy (not boyfriend just customer) who gave it to you wanted you to spend it in Vegas”. Any reasonable human being would understand a car is more important than some rave with little convincing. There will be raves throughout the year, every year, and while those are going on, your ass will continue busing to work and everywhere else. This is what happens when people don’t know the meaning of hard work for a TAXED job with long hours and little pay or tip. What a fucken joke. I seriously need to stop caring, like David. Bitches will be dumb as fuck, so let them burn. Forever acquaintances.

May 29th
1:00 AM

I still need to mature..

I have a long way to go. I need to keep in mind that no one can make me feel inferior without my consent. I need to stop pushing my expectations onto others. I need to stop being such a stickler and let my hair down. I need to be more active..So many things to improve

April 29th
3:08 AM

More birthday hate

Another thing that pisses me off..when I think about the presents I’ve been given in the past. The presents showed me how last minute, dgaf attitude they felt about that day and present. I guess they were too absorbed in themselves to be thoughtful for someone else. This is why I gave up giving a fuck about anyone else’s birthday. Why waste my effort. If its not the present itself its the way it is presented. It just goes to show me how little these people know me..even though we were “close friends”.

1:51 AM

Pouring out some thoughts

I was planning on posting this on Facebook, but I realized I didn’t want the comments that would follow it.

People say “Happy Birthday” to wish me a happy birhtday but little do they know I just get depressed on my birthdays. It has nothing to do with aging, for your information. I don’t know why but throughout my life I have made a connection between birthdays and bad things. Bad things like people feeling unappreciated or others being limelight whores. Bad things like unequal reciprocation of gifts or thought. Bad things like empty words. I don’t know. The more I think about it the more I get depressed. I’m sure the fact that my family stopped celebrating my birthday at an early age didn’t help, but hey I guess that’s what happens when you need to live within your means. Maybe that’s what it is, maybe it brings up bad things like feelings of neglect and insignificance. Man, I’m fucked up in the head..or just over thinking some depressing shit. Or maybe I just need to go to bed. I bid you adieu.

April 22nd
11:33 PM

I need to find..

I need to find a girl friend that

- isn’t insecure so she won’t take out her insecurities on me.

- isn’t in a ridiculous relationship so I don’t have to repetitively hear all the complaints she won’t do anything about.

- isn’t overly conceited so she isn’t always try to be in the spotlight.

- isn’t a liar because I hate pathological liars.

- isn’t competitive so she isn’t always trying to out do everyone in everything.

because it has been a while since I’ve had one like that. I think I’ve only met a handful of girls like that in my lifetime. I appreciate the Susan’s and Nancy’s out there that are caring, supportive, honest, assertive, and has their shit together. Fuck it’s been a while. It’s easy to find easy going guys who are chill and unlikely to give all these types of problems. To find a girl like that is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. I need to find that diamond in the rough.

February 2nd
11:05 PM

This is for you girls out there.

This is my big fuck you to those girls who I thought were my “friends” but instead fucked with my self esteem all the while knowing I had terrible self-esteem AND all the while knowing people already thought they were prettier than me so WTF did you want from me?! It’s okay though, your ugly personality will attract similar personalities and you’ll get to experience it first hand ( : thanks for the anon messages about how ugly & etc I am, have a nice life getting FUCKED. Just kidding I already know you have a shitty life and I’m glad karma actually comes around ( :

January 2nd
1:30 AM

“They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.”- Tom Bodett (via migeru)

! have one out of the three but I’m still lost when it comes to what I want to do and I need that to have something to hope for.

Sigh, I don’t feel like I’m talented in any particular thing or have any exceptional quality..so I don’t know exactly what to aim for.

November 26th
12:35 AM
Via

My Thoughts About Him: I guess we're just a little bit crazy.

mythoughtsabouthim:

I can’t see anything but my flaws. You say it doesn’t matter, but I can’t seem to let my insecurities go. However, you’re just the same as me. You’re insecure about your flaws, although you don’t whine about it as much as I do, even though I could care less about them. I don’t even notice them. I guess I’m so self absorbed in my own self-loathing to notice what you consider your flaws.When I look at your “flaws” I don’t see flaws. I see a portion of your past, which is what made you who you are today. I guess what you hate about yourself is what I love about you. Without your past, you wouldn’t be who you are today. I remember the story to each flaw you have told me and I remember the pain as a result of each flaw. Each of your “flaws” is not a flaw, but a story. A story about you, and I love you. So I love stories about you and by the transitive property, that means I love your flaws too. I love you honey.

October 19th
7:27 PM

The uncertainty is stressing me out.

I didn’t realize the relief you get from an escape until I needed one. I guess the theaters aren’t as bad as I thought they were.

September 18th
11:10 PM

Face palm

when people are in shitty relationships but they stay in them.

when people keep toxic friends who put them down and they stay friends with them.

when people choose to stay in or be involved in drama, to only stress over the drama.

when people make stupid financial decisions and continue to do so even after the consequences of the first mistake.

when people think they have invested so much time in something stupid which makes them stay, when they are only wasting more time on something stupid.

when people seek out meaningful relationships with the wrong people because they were looking in the wrong places.

I had a conversation with a classmate today about a book called the 7 levels of power or something like that. How people put others down because they themselves lack self-acceptance, therefore they take it out on others, in many cases those who are close to them. But in the end they end up with no friends because no one wants to be friends with that kind of destructive personality.

You have free will, you have a choice, gtfo or don’t complain. Lesson of the day. In addition to the fact that I learned in psychology how badly stress fucks you up, so why purposely put yourself in situations where you’d have to stress. That’s just dumb ( :

On another note I made a few more friends today n__n might decide to try dancing?! (no none of that whorey shit LOL) I need to keep pushing my comfort zone. Shyness will get you no where in life or at least thats what all my professors keep telling me x__x

September 14th
1:51 AM

Rant: I should be studying for the 3 exams coming up this week but all I can think about is shopping..wtf is wrong with me -____-

September 8th
1:36 AM
Via

I’m not looking for someone who has everything. I’d rather have someone who has nothing but does everything they can to make me happy.

My boyfriend n__n oh honey, you work so hard <3